Uncertainty is one of the biggest contributing factors in anxiety.
Think about it, our brains are hard wired to protect us from danger and when something is “uncertain”, we don’t know what will happen. If we let this spiral, we’ll be able to imagine a whole host of possible scenarios and a whole load of “what if’s”.
There will have been so many times in your life when something has been uncertain and usually this will be when there is a change or something new is happening. Going to university, starting a new job, going on a first date, moving to a new place, finding out some health news etc.
Generally, as we get older, we get more experience of the fact we can’t control for uncertainty, we just get better at tolerating it and knowing that things will gradually become less uncertain but that another uncertainty will closely follow.
If you become a parent, the whole world of uncertainty opens up further. Having children means a life of uncertainty and unpredictability and if we add into the mix your child having a health condition, that uncertainty multiples further.
With uncertainty comes anxiety and with anxiety comes an urge to control. But here’s the thing, there are so many things we can’t control, if we get into this cycle, we are only actually maintaining anxiety and a life of worry.
So what’s the solution……
This is where I use the word “safe enough”
Accepting a position of safe enough and accepting nothing in life is risk free.
Safe enough isn’t perfect, there’s space for doubt but this is enough! This is all you can do and this doesn’t make you a bad person or parent.
Anything could happen to anyone of us at any moment. Obviously, it’s not helpful to live life thinking that and instead we take steps to minimise the risk but all whilst accepting there is still some risk.
We decide the steps needed to feel safe enough and we actively choose to let go of the stuff that is uncertain and not in our control.
We see that preparing for every possible outcome and scenario (in most cases) is not helpful and actually just draws our attention to the risk and uncertainty even more and takes us away from all the things we have going on right now in our life. I’m Francesca, a clinical psychologist supporting all aspects of mental health and particularly those living with variety of health conditions which can impact on mental health. I regularly give free tips like this on my Instagram page, so feel free and head over there and join the community.
